Before the term "Player" - I was!

It's true, though I hate to admit it. I had a gf, non-stop from the age of 11. Today's young people would call that a "player" - actually it was the indication of someone who was very needy!

At 14, I remember like it was yesterday, Mrs "L" ended my really good gig with her daughter. She was 2 years older, I was a freshman and she was a junior. She was "hot" and I was not.

Mrs. "L" said to her daughter, "You can not date Paul anymore because he's not good marriage material. He'll turn out like his Dad and we know what a scum bag he was!"

Wow! I was first upset with Mrs. "L" - she didn’t know me! She certainly didn't know how I was going to turn out!

Then I started to get upset with my Dad. I wanted to show him I was turning out alright inspite of his leaving me and my family when I was 6 years old!

Over the course of the next year I gained some healing from this devastating loss - the relationship with this incredible older girl but, more importantly, the possible loss of hope in a future and the possibilities of my being more than the rejected, abandoned kid - I'm even named after him; I am Paul S. Belt Jr. If I hadn't been healed, I'm convinced I'd be a crusty, bitter old fart today.

I especially would not have been of any good to communicate to the thousands of young people over the years AND most importantly I would not have had a chance to be the Father for my 4 sons. Don't get me wrong- I am not saying that I am even close to being perfect by any way shape or form.

What I am saying is that because God healed my identity, I am not the scum bag Mrs."L" said I'd be - I didn't abandon my family or repeat the cycle of leaving my wife. So what happened? I discovered that who I am is the adding in of influences and people my mother exposed me to, and that God provided. And then my choices from those influences. Who I am is what God has made me plus what I have chosen.

Dating often is a replacement for such choices. I used having a girlfriend to make me feel better about me. It was a compensation for the hole in my heart, left by the wound of being rejected by my own Dad. I used girls rather than encourage them in a healthy, balanced relationship.

I discovered years later this simple truth:

Being forgiven means who you are is the

next choice you make.

It doesn't matter what has happened or even whatever mistakes you may still make in the future. God's grace and forgiveness wipes the slate clean each time you repent, to re-establish who you are with every choice.

Let us encourage young and old to let relationships be about building up and not sucking out.