Victim or Victor!?

How long will you be the victim?
How long are you still the one who Dad “abandoned”?

He was in my face, “Dad, do you forget the pain of your father leaving you? It’s not her fault; she’s still screwed up by that!”

This comment caused me to really think. I’m not “really” screwed up, only partially.
My initial response to the comment was “she needs to get over it, it’s not who she is, it’s what happened to her!”

This comment is true, it’s been fleshed out by so many. As an adult-child of Divorce I often confront the question of my identity. But, these words, blurted out in a high pitch of emotion was, a wake-up call again. It is a fact that the effects of those child-hood wounds can be long suffering. But to excuse the current problems in your life as the result of the emotional wounds of years ago may well be an excuse rather than a fact.

Two strong influences that help in the healing of the effects of rejection and abandonment are healthy replacement of Parental relationships and the building of Personal Identity.

Parental relationships can have a healthy replacement. The introduction of step-parents can greatly help in the re-building healthy interaction of parent and child. The younger the age, the more effective. The more sensitive the step-parent is to being a normal loving parent as if he or she were the biological parent, the more health results.

I’ve also seen significant adults who have given the child from a family of Divorce positive and life-long influence in caring for and modeling to them healthy, positive influence.

Over the years I’ve come to understand that young people need to know that Mom and Dad are “for” them. The desire to know that someone has made the decision to be there for you is irreplaceable in building a strong self-image. It allows for the safe factor as you attempt new things.

Individual experiences, successes and failures alike are the building blocks to establishing one’s identity. Finding out what your interests are, what your strengths and weaknesses are, what comes easy and what things are challenges are all the elements that go into helping you come to know Yourself.

The bottom-line to being healed from the abandonment and rejection involves also knowing that God has not made you the wounded. He desires to heal you and let you have the unlimited possibilities of growing and being who You can be.

I was a fatherless boy, who met my Heavenly Father at 15 and then became a father of boys.

Im far from perfect but I know that I am no longer the wounded child, I am now more the choices I choose and the focus I keep.